I fell asleep pretty early, I hadn’t even replied to my loves what’s app message. The time is now 2am. My mind is buzzing. Maybe I should have had more of that wine. Tonight has been a whirlwind of emotions. For a heads up to potential readers I am ready to dive head first into a truly meaningful, thankful, dreamy, inspirational and uplifting post which maybe tinged with a little sadness.
So here goes *takes a big gulp and decides that 2am is a very good time to pour ones heart out*
Life. It is without doubt the most precious thing we will ever have. Money will not buy it, it cannot be renewed once the time is up, it’s a gift to us on loan so to speak. I’ve spoken before about how we are not invincible. I’ve spoken before about making our life count and I’ve spoken before about burying ones head in the sand when it comes to bereavement. I’ve already got myself knee deep in the stuff. This is however a post which will make zero sense most likely but I need to just let this out. I need to just type these thoughts out and who knows maybe someone else will relate with my disjointed thoughts. I feel like I’m going to repeat aspects of previous contemplative musings but maybe they need to be repeated, just maybe I need to hear them again. I said before if life deals you a bad hand don’t quit on it, if the going gets tough don’t resort to flight instead of fight. I know all of this. I know I’ve said things happen for a reason but sometimes just sometimes I stop and think life will you not just give us a blooming break. It can at times just get a little too much. I am a bouncy ball. I bounce back from most eventualities but there is one eventuality that I fear that not even I will bounce back from. It really is a thing from my nightmares. Every girl wants this person to be there at every big event in their lives, such as their wedding day, they want that person to meet their future children, they want them to watch them grow old, reach milestones, blow out more and more candles, we all want to stick around for this crazy adventure called life. So when those who we love are called early it is without doubt heartbreaking and soul destroying. I am one for trying to remain positive in the face of adversity. I know that we are not invincible. I know that I and you are not guaranteed to reach a certain age. There’s stuff preventing that from happening. We don’t know what’s around the corner. All we know is what we have now. This is a reminder that I am a lucky girl. I am unconditionally loved, I have cheer leaders who are constantly cheering for me, I have so much support and belief in my ability from those around me. I am blessed. I cannot let metaphorical **** hitting the fan stop me from pursuing my dreams. I know this person wants nothing but for me to be happy, they want nothing more than me to go out into the big wide world and achieve big big things. I want to do that. I want to make them proud but I can’t imagine doing it without them. I can’t imagine going through life without them. I know that I would always be loved and always be supported but it potentially wouldn’t be physically. This person is such a strong individual. They have faced so much. It doesn’t seem just and right why this is happening now. As A.V dicey said ‘parliamentary sovereignty is the cornerstone of the constitution’ (I am such a law student)… Just like that, this person is the cornerstone of my little world. They are the cornerstone of our little, continuing to deplete rapidly bubble. A.V Dicey believes that without parliamentary sovereignty the whole constitution would crumble. I believe that without this person this bubble would pop. This person has great importance and significance. To even think about the ‘what ifs’ makes my eyes prick and stomach churn. So for now I am going to hug this person even tighter, I’m going to never leave on a bad note, I’m going to actively make dreamy wonderful memories incase the what ifs come into fruition. I am going to treasure every millisecond, I am going to make sure that they know that they are wholeheartedly loved, adored and looked up to. I am going to try and hold it together whatever the outcome. I am not going to take this life for granted. I am actively going to try and surround myself with people who make me happy. I’m going to reevaluate my life to some extent. This little warning bell situation which is occurring has made me even more contemplative about everything and we already know ‘Charzweb’ is a fairly contemplative place at times!
There’s one song that just speaks to me, albeit it being about shutting up and just dancing but the word dancing could be used in many a metaphorical way. To me it means treasuring every moment, it means letting your hair down and being happy, it means whatever crap which is happening, nothing can get in your way of having a ball. Whatever the situation, just shut up and dance with me. This is now my life motto… It’s not to tell people to shut up incase you are thinking what a strange life motto. It’s more just to not dwell on the shitty things and instead to just dance it off, however that may be. This has turned into our song recently. It brings a smile to my face because I can just picture us both belting out the song in the car together and just looking at each other and laughing at our likeness!
Oh heck. I’ve been typing for nearly forty whole minutes. I’m going to leave you with the song because it is without doubt a brilliant way to approach the bullshit life throws at us by dancing. I will forever attempt to promote optimism and positivity even when those metaphorical skies are grey, overcast and stormy. The storm clouds shall always clear my dears. I’m most definitely emotionally mused out.
The moral of this musing is to hug those a little tighter, shut up and dance and always carry an umbrella because you never know when it’s going to rain…