This might be a one off OR a regular thing. It’s something that I’ve thought about doing for quite a while but I’m taking the plunge and going with the flow.
Let’s talk about self worth.
Self worth otherwise commonly referred to as self esteem is defined as ‘the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person’. I’ll be honest I truly did struggle with my self esteem and as a result I regret a lot of things that I have done. Low self esteem is dangerous, it changes the way you think about the world and the way you view yourself. I know it may sound cheesy but I truly believe that in order to love, you have to first love and respect yourself. I mean if you can’t love and respect yourself how will anyone else be able to break down those walls of protection that you have built up over the years. I built a lot of strong walls around me, I didn’t want to let anyone in. I truly felt that I was worthless and unloveable. My behaviours and actions reflected this. I would find myself in situations which I just didn’t want to be in and I knew that what I was doing was not really me. My thoughts and state of mind were causing me to act in that way. It was not Charlotte. I’ll be honest when you believe that you are worthless you get yourself into situations which you never deserved to face. You meet the wrong kind of people, the words muttered over the years play on repeat every single day. You believe that you are a disgusting and horrible individual and you deserve nothing more than this.
When you are in such a bad place in your life and feel like you deserve nothing better bad things happen. Dating with low self esteem is horrendous. I will recall one ‘relationship’ that was bad. I didn’t value myself which meant in turn the other person in the relationship did not value me. That time in my life was awful. I just wanted to be loved because I was incapable of loving myself. I had zero self respect and if you were to ask people who truly know me they would confirm that this time in my life was particularly bad.
I was in an absolute rut. I loathed my existence, I blamed myself for absolutely everything. Rational thinking was a thing of the past. I was a mess. Relationships are meant to be built on firm foundations and should be fulfilling and each party should love and respect one another. Let’s introduce the factor of low self esteem and all these morals just fall away. You find yourself unhappy and questioning why you are still there but you rationalise your decision by justifying the other persons behaviour because you are worth nothing more than this.
I wish I could have grabbed that girls shoulders and scream that you are worth sooo much more than this. Please do not subject yourself to this. Charlotte please get a grip.
I just want to stress that you should never be pressured into doing something that you don’t want to do. You are worth more than you can possibly imagine and there will be someone out there who will truly love and respect you.
You have to first learn to love yourself. You have to look beyond the voice of doubt and you have to say that I am enough. You have to realise that you…
- have a purpose
- you are loved
- you are beautiful
- you are one of a kind
This feels so cheesy but that kind of mind sight can prove to be detrimental. I feel like the girl you see now on this blog is the girl I was always meant to be. In hind sight it was easier to be numb and emotionless. It was easier to be in denial then to face up to the situation and to recognise that by staying I was only harming myself. Perfect relationships just don’t exist. However relationships built on the understanding of mutual respect are the closest thing to the unattainable ‘perfect relationship’.
Basically, the point of this post is to stress the importance of self worth. I am proof that you can learn to love yourself. Believe me my self esteem was non existent and I think Will would be able to confirm that I have since come on leaps and bounds and that I am starting to respect my myself. It is a life long process, there will be ups and downs but never ever put yourself in a situation because you believe you are worth nothing more.
We are all wonderfully unique, we all have a story to tell and we are all alive for a reason! Please don’t waste precious milliseconds questioning your existence ❤
Love C xxx